Shayna's Memorial
SHAYNA MARY KOWARSKY
(A SHANA MADEL)
God wanted Shayna, way too soon. She was supposed to grow old watching her child go from a young lady to an adult; even suffering her teen years together, dancing at her wedding doing all the things that Moms and daughters do. Shayna never got the chance to even see Shalene start Kindergarten. Shayna's biggest fear was that Shalene wouldn't remember her. Shayna wanted a child so badly that when Shalene was born she was so blessed and happy. Shayna will live on in Shalene.
Shayna's illness was vicious, it never let up. From day one it began to tear down a healthy, young, beautiful woman. After her first surgery things seemed okay but a few months later it was back. A second 9 hour surgery and daily injections that made her feel like she had a bad case of the flu took up her entire summer. But whenever she felt okay she'd jump in her Blazer (the car she waited a lifetime for) and blast her stereo and go cruising.
We even managed a country music concert (thank God for the memories). Her favorite song by Garth Brooks, "If Tomorrow Never Comes" spoke to her about Shalene. We always cried when we heard it.
After more CT's and biopsies, we learned it was back again only much worse. Again doctors in Nebraska gave up, but treatment in California could give us some hope. Traveling 1500 miles for the "Kitchen Sink", a term used to describe the most powerful mixture of drugs to try and fight this cancer. For Shayna it was HELL, she once said, "if not for Shalene and me she would have given up," the treatment was that bad. After several trips to California for the treatment we decided we would all have a wonderful Christmas together. We clung to the hope that this treatment would work, it was our last hope. Four days after Christmas we found out the treatment did not work. From January on, the term I dreaded the most was used to describe my daughter, "TERMINALLY ILL."
Shayna never gave up not even at the end. The will to live out weighs any doctor's opinion; 2-4 weeks was her time to live, she made 8 months. She would do anything to get well, anything. Her spirit was wild. There wasn't a person who saw Shayna that didn't feel her will to survive, the fight she had in her even in the end.
The song "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd, could describe Shayna for the months she spent on her Morphine Pump.
Shayna went to concerts, shopping, to play Keno, out to eat, even bowling; her catheter and pump went right along. The wonderful memories we all share are priceless.
On July 24th Shayna organized Shalene's 4th Birthday party at Chuckie Cheese, she made sure we all had a wonderful time there and that her daughter had a great birthday; even though Shayna was already weaker.
A few days later, bed was all that Shayna could manage. The song "Comfortably Numb" didn't fit anymore, no matter how much morphine she had, no matter what drugs they gave her the pain was raking her body. I couldn't even pat her arm it hurt so badly.
The last days Shayna spent thinking of taking her daughter, brothers and sister to Disneyland. It always gave her hope. Although everyday she slipped away a little more.
I found a whole set of new feelings in me watching my child suffer in pain and fear; having Grand Mal seizures and her not even knowing where she was but crying out for me.
Shayna is my "HERO". I have never seen anyone fight so hard, for so long, to get well; to handle pain so strong, the will to stay with me and her family.
I once cried with Shayna and said, "I suffered 36 hours of labor to bring you into this world I am not letting you go." But at the end I begged and begged her to "Please Let Go!"
Shayna finally let go in her home with her Mom and family beside her.
Now I see Shayna with no pain, no pump, no catheter; her mind clear, her body strong.
After Shayna's long and hard fight with her disease she passed away at home September 1st, 1998 at 1:04 am of Melanoma. She left behind her 4 year old daughter Shalene, her 6 year old brothers Shai and Seth, her 14 year old sister Shalla, her Mother Olivia, and loving pets Schicker, Seanna Jo, and Searra Rose.
Shayna was only 24.